I started this past decade as a brilliant, working, single mother. My children were healthy, fed, clothed, chauffeured from school to their many various events. I purchased my own home, my corporate career was skyrocketing, with promotions, bonuses, and accolades. Industry standard pretty, but modest enough to closet this in order to sustain public approval. I was also a woman who passed out on the couch in her work clothes every night… a Mother who wasn’t emotional available for her children or family … a boss who struggled to find compassion for employees that could not achieve or dedicate as I did. I was a widow still clinging to unaddressed fear, grief, anger, and anxiety.
Racing and persistent thoughts kept me up at night and greeted me each morning.
Many somewheres, from 2010 to today, in moments of peace and isolation, I recognized how un-recognizable I had become. Somewhere in those moments of peace I resigned to the notion that my life was externally controlled. I was reacting to the demands of the outside world rather than living my life. Somewhere in those gifted moments of peace… I decided, I set the intention, that I would find myself. That small step, that intention set, lays the foundation of wholeness.
This decade taught me, over and over, to consciously choose myself. To choose the inner world, to choose the inner work, to choose honoring all the parts of who I am.
The external world responds in kind.
Accessing the Well
I set the intention to find myself, but what does that even mean? My clarity, strength, and purpose crept their way back into my awareness in moments of peace and isolation. It was in this peace that I was able to access my Internal Well.
The journey to self-discovery is very personal and divinely unique, thus the map, equally so, is only available within us. The Internal Well is our unlimited potential, our divine purpose, our unconditional love, the wholeness of who we are. It is the pure essence of our being, unfettered by the very conditions that would confine it. The path to our highest experience of this life are found in the Internal Well.