Pause & Surrender

A Corona Care Guide by Beth Barling

Divine Order & The Inner Light… Unveiling Magic in The Pause

After a long and magical day at Epcot with my kids, I woke at 3 AM with a crippling pain that I could no longer bear, of which, I would later find out, was a ruptured disc in my cervical spine. I quietly snuck out of bed and began my crawl to the door. I didn’t want to impose on anyone. My, then, boyfriend said to me, “May I help you with something?” I said, “No… I am ok. I think my neck is broken and I am just going to Uber to the Emergency Room.” He, of course, offered to drive me. 

Before this moment, I was a fantastically successful, outwardly perfect, and honorably widowed single Mother of two. My worth existed in the often 90 hours a week I worked, my accolades from others, my material value, and the social lifestyle and vacations I was able to afford my children. 

In that moment, though, in a moment of personal crisis, I wasn’t worth waking anyone up. I wasn’t worthy of making a sound. I wasn’t worthy of the space I took up in the world.

Six days later, I silently, but politely, cried as they wheeled me into surgery and uncertainty…

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